Reality is a strange place, my friend
by iseedeadbugs13
Summary: When Malik, Marik, Ishizu, pancakes, a lack of hair care products and a freakin' psychotic hairbrush meet there is garanteed chaos.


**DISCLAIMER JUNK:**

**I DON'T YUGIOH… GET OVER IT.

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A.N.: Here is a key: 

_Malik's thoughts_

**Yami Marik inside Malik's head**

_A mysterious voice later mentoned in the story _

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"Little brother! Come get your breakfast!" Ishizu yelled down the empty stone hallway from the kitchen door. Ishizu waited for her little brother Malik. "Brother! Get your lazy butt up! I made your favorite!" Ishizu hollered down the seemingly endless expanse of hallway again. The older sister didn't have to wait long, because as soon as she had finished her sentance, her little brother was already at work tearing away at the pancakes she had made for him. Ishizu stood in shock at the sight before her. Malik stood covered head to toe in syrup. Actually, to tell you the truth, it was only in his hair. "I need to go to the store, were out of shampoo, go brush that stuff out of you hair while your at it!" Ishizu exclaimed, grabbing her tan book bag and headed for the door. 

"But we went to get shampoo yesterday! How are we all out?" Malik asked touching his sticky hair absent-mindedly.

"Well, Yugi came over to visit and the Pharaoh had to fufill an ancient profecy- it was his destiny to do so!" Ishizu replyed, jumping up and down in a spazzy way, overly happy that she got to say the words 'destiny', 'Pharaoh, 'profecy', and 'ancient'- all in one sentence.

"It was Porcupine-head's destiny to steal the tomb keepers' hygene products?" Malik drawled out in a tone that obviously said: 'I live in a world full of mindless morons and plastic people!'

"Uhhhh... Bye!" Ishizu concluded quickly and darted out of the door before Malik could catch her.

Malik un-tangled his fingers from his gooey hair with great difficulty. **Dear Hikari, how do you manage to get youself into these kinds of messes?** A voice inside of Malik's head asked smugly. _How do I? More like; how do YOU get me into these messes!_ Malik angerly snapped back mentaly at Marik. Malik walked to the bathroom, fuming all the way. _I should at least take a shower- with or without shampoo!_ Malik thought to himself and got undressed. He stepped into the shower. His tan feet smelled like a the rotting corpse of a now dead horse that was left out in the August sun in an Egyptia- **Maybe you should take a shower more often, eh Hikari? **Marik cut off my weird describing monolouge. Malik just ignored his Yami and tried to turn on the water in the shower. _What the heck? It wont go on!_ Malik struggled patheticly with the shower's knob of evil. Malik could hear Marik laughing at his efforts. **Should I have told you earlier that Ishizu turned all of the water in this dust- filled heck-hole off just to make you angry? **Malik gave a look to the inanimate bathroom fixture that looked an expression that someone would give if they had someone shove a llama up their nose.

Malik sighed in defeat and got out of the shower. He grabbed Ishizu's pink hairbrush with his sticky hand, not noticing that it seemed to form a chemical bond and fuse to his syrup-coated hand to the ugly hairbrush. "I don't like you." Malik said out of his lack of hair products.

"Well, I don't like you either. But you do have a booty-licious body." the hairbrush stated. Malik looked at the hunk of talking plastic fused to his hand. **Okay, even for me, this is just plain freaky. **Marik said to no one in particular.

"What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On...?" Malik asked the hairbrush, still in a daze about the mornings recent events. **Don't worry! It will all be fine, at least until he starts rapping!** Marik reassured Malik.

"..." The brush stayed silent. Malik looked strangely at the brush, as if expecting something to happen. "...WAZZZ' UUUUUUPP!" the brush suddenly screamed, "Yo! Da' name is Batty! The logic is eratic! Potatoe in a jacket! Toys in the attic! I rock and I ramble! My brain is scrambled!" 'Batty' yelled, Malik had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing out of insanity. "Nurse! I need a check up from the neck up! Word to all my homies in da' hood, dawg! Fo' shizzle!" _Was that rap? _Malik asked his Yami. **I'm afraid to say it, but yes. It was bad rap, but still rap. **Marik replied, getting a worried look on his face._ What did you mean earlier, about him rapping?_ Malik thought, as the brush started to do a bad 'Eminem' impression. **Well, your screwed.** Marik ended the conversation and dissipated into his soul room.

"I'm bored. Let' s play a game!" 'Batty the brush' yelled happily. Malik thought before responding.

"Ok. What kind of game?" Malik replyed slowly to Batty. Go to the kitchen, now, Hikari. Malik heard another voice inside his head. Malik (stupidly) obeyed it and proceeded into the kitchen, his hand still fused tightly to Batty's pink handle. Get some yogurt. the voice commanded. _but I don't even like yogurt! _Malik answered with haste to the voice's request for the partially hydroginated dairy product. Yes... You like yogurt! You live for yogurt! You are married to yogurt! the voice droned in Malik's thoughts. Malik didn't realize this, but the weird voice was near... very near... in fact, for the last half-hour Malik had been holding the source of the voice. Yup. It was Batty the rapping hairbrush. Malik reached for the yogurt.

"Hand off my yogurt!" Malik's hands were slapped away from the tub of flavored milk fat. There in all of his glory, stood Marik, in tights and a tacky Super-man like outfit that even had that weird plastic "muscle chest" thing like on the super-hero costumes for 5 year olds. Marik was even holding a deadly signature weapon; the Gun of Randomness! (TM)

"NOOOOOOOO! How did you find me, Llama Man!" Batty screached, quickly moving back away from 'Llama Man' and getting into a stupid-looking martial arts pose. "To defeat me, you have to hurt your Hikari! MUHAHAHAHAHA!" Batty yelled, "There is no way you'll ever hurt you'r precious Hikari! You love him!"

"You have been reading waaaaaaay to many yaoi fan fics! Now die!" Marik shouted and shot the G.O.R., that happened to expel a can of spam, a very sharp spork, and Yugi's over-weight aunt Gurtrude. The can of spam ripped Batty out of Malik's have, the spork stabbed Batty fataly. And as for dear aunt Gurtrude, she landed on Malik and knocked him out.

Marik heard the gears on the door lock begin to turn. Ishizu entered the room. She remained calm and asked Marik, "Hello, dear evil spirit! Did you have fun while I was gone?"

"Yes I did! You should lend me that cursed hairbrush more often!" Marik said happily, as Ishizu came up to hug him.

"You know..." Ishizu began, "The pharaoh really did take the shampoo... he took only your's, but I bought this really ho-" Ishizu was abruptly interupted by Marik.

"What?" Marik yelled bolting out the door with the Millenium Rod in hand, still in the super hero get-up. " RREEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVEEENNNNNNGGGGEE!" Marik yelled.

Ishizu walked up to her brother and asked if he was okay. Malik answered in a strained voice, "Who planted this evil prank?"

"Marik did." Ishizu replyed, restraining a the urge to smirk at her victory. "Do you need help getting revenge? We'll plan it later. Get some rest." Malik mumbled a 'thanks' and hobbled to bed like a drunk man. After Malik was out of site and she sent Gurtrude to the Shadow Realm, Ishizu picked up Batty and ripped off the small speaker connected to the handle that had the remains of some skin and dry super glue caked onto it. "Too easy! Ha, ha, ha! Now to plan the next game!" Ishizu laughed, getting out a book called: **_Voo-Doo-Style Torture and Torment For Dummies_**. "This will be fun..."

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**SORRY ABOUT THE OUT OF CHARACTER ISHIZU, BUT DON'T BLAME ME! BLAME MY MESSED UP DREAMS!**

**Hope you liked it!**

**-iseedeadbugs13 **


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